Break Up Date /Days since we have seen each other ----September 3, 2012 --8 days
Days since Contact-3
Cancel my subscription because I don't need
your issues
What a sucky day. Spent all day doing 9/11 tributes for my classes. Deleted my pictures of DB from my computer atwork, which felt GREAT. However, at the end of the day, I went into my desk draw at work to get tape and came across two framed pictures of he and I and a toy VW bug car he bought me. That made me get teary. I am so upset that he is is angry with me. We have broken up before, but he has never been angry with me and it sucks. Well, tommorrow WILL be a better day as my son is here :)
Monday, September 10, 2012
Break Up Date /Days since we have seen each other ----September 3, 2012 --7 days
Days since Contact-2
Break up Quote of the Day--""If your phone doesn't ring , it's me""
Okay, as I bitch and moan, laugh and cry and accept my beak-up with DB, I neede to post the positives as well as the negetives, so these are my places in the Boston area that I can go and love. and with a little help from my friends, I will find new places:
Nantasket Beach, Hull MA. My happy place :)
My favorite hang out spot at Nantasket with Millie and Carol, never had a bad time here. Fire and Ice
Mine and Natalia's favorite hang out spot. Stoneforge in Raynham MA.
Vincent's night club Randolph, MA....Always dance here...meat market, but can be fun :)
Marina Bay, Quincy MA . ONly went here with DB once, and he hates the fact this is a dress up place, but have had GREAt times with my friends here :)
Biff's Lounge, Dorchester. In my girl Lisa's neighborhood. Dress to impress, cheap drinks and GREAT music.
Mi casa. Lived with DB for a year, nice to have my own sapce again :)
I forgot that the ORIGINAL thing I was going to post was THE PLACES YOU DON"T GO. It is a very stupid idea to go to places that you went with your EX. It brings up bad memories, and plus you don't want to seem like a crazy stalker. Sadly, after spending 2 years with DB and being new to Boston, he showed me so many places. But maybe you guys can enjoy some of these places:
Ups and Downs Neponset Circle Boston, we he worked, is currently closed, but could reopen. Where we met.
The Harp and Bard Pub on Dorchester Ave. Right on the corner of where DB lives, we use to got there to watch games a lot.
Venice Pizza Dorchester Ave Boston. We would get take out from here at LEAST once a week.
DB's favorite Chinese place, I think it is vile and will not miss it.
My favorite Indian restaurant in DB's neighborhood. I WILL miss this place
McKenna's --Our favorite breakfast spot
Malibu Beach Dorchester, where we use to take the dogs walking.
Our secret fishing spot in Dorchester, I WILL go there when I know he isn't there.
Our favorite specilaity market Lambert's on Morrissey Blvd in Dorchester. I will still go there as the steak tips are amazing.
New England Aquruim Long Wharf Boston, where we would take my granddaughter.
Franklin Park Zoo Mattapan Boston. another spot we would take the baby.
Clam Box on Wollaston Beach Quincy. Best fried clams around
Another on of our favorite places on Wollaston Beach, the beachcomber.
Countless romantic walks spent here :(
The Cove in Yarmouth, where we stayed this summer
Drive in Theatre on the Cape where we saw Paranorman
Our favorite cape beach the Cliffs at Wellfleet
Another place we spent Countless hours at Scusset Beach.
AND FINALLY.......Our special ocassion and birthday place The Tinker's Son Norwell,
MA
The Tinker's Son in Norwell, a GREAT place twe went to celebrate our birthdays. ;(
So, I met up with Mike(new guy) for coffee and had a nice time. He really is a gentleman. I will see him again. DB has texted less mean things, but is holding something over my head. Have decided to ignore. I have been babysitting today, and plan to watch the Saints game.
Busy cleaning and planning for a girls night on Friday. Having dinner with my hot new neighbor on Saturday night. Don't mind the flirting, but I don't even want to kiss right now. I am so not in the mood. Realize that despite my acceptance (told DB that we need to have nothing to do with each other AT ALL), that I reallyneed to greive the relationship. Listening to sad songs as I blog, but not crying.
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
9:30 and have made my bed and put away the wash. DB texted and said I am being the C word. LOL. Chink in the armor. Spoke to my BFF for a bit and now about to settle down. However, he did ask me to mail him his money, after he told to keep it. Instead I just sealed an envelope and placed to following items in it an stamped it.
a quarter-call someone who cares
a penny-because that is all your thoughts are worth
a condom- need I even comment on that.
It will be very intersting to see if he remotely gets the symbolism. LOL
He is a prat. Oh yeah and here are the acronyms and words that I will be using.
For Mark
DB-douchebag
FW-Fuckwit
prick
sod- fucker
In general
sod off- fuck off
I am sure as I work through the stages of grief , I will think of more in the mean time. DB, this is for you.
So directly after work, fuckwit texts me. Tells me to lose his number, gladly. However, if he follows his usaul pattern, he will be calling in a few days. Sod him. So, I went to the gym and kicked the heavy bag and punched the spped bag for a while, it was awesome, just imagined his stupid face. As far as I'm concerned we are SO DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
On a positive note, word has begun to circulate that I am back on the market. A very nice guy I met a few months back who was crushing on me called and asked me for coffee as one of my friends told him that I am free, so we are meeting on Saturday. On the megetive side, missed the stupid bank and I need to cash a check. Must make sure that I make the bank directly after work tomorrow.
Also after the gym I blasted some loud fun music, now back to Bridget Jones. cooking chicken, going to make my bed and put away two weeks worth of wash. and hit the hay early, but not until I call my BFF.
I think I am moving onto acceptance, but will still be angry, only cried a bit after my students left. another positive is phone is put away and and on silent. THank God for my wonderful students. Loving my new school year. :)
Yet again another video. This is how DB feels about me, but who the FUCK CARES LOL
So, I am at my desk at work. Yipee!!!! LOL. No for real, trying to be productive, but DB just texted "I know you are mad, but I love and miss you.", Yeah well fuckwit YOU SHOULD HAVE DONE WHAT I ASKED IDIOT!!!!. Yep I am angry, but also somewhat relieved as I'm no longer stuck on a CRAZY TRAIN. I was just reading about the Stages of Grief and big surprise, I'm on anger. Color me stupid. I don't think I'm going to do the bargaining. I don't want him back. I am going to try to avoid the Depression peice too, as he is not worth it AT ALL!!!!. My guess is that one can go back and forth before you move on, but methinks I am ready to look at healing articles. :). This song describes my relationship with DB to a T.
Okay, so up at 4:00 AM because I can't sleep and need to actually put in a bit of time doing school work before I actually go into work. I am determined to no longer let my love life issues force me to call out sick, plus it looks like I have excellent students this year, despite the ineffectiviness of where I work. But that is another thing in my future....must change career as well as love life.
Anyhow, just remembered that I started blog ages ago and never did a damn thing with it, so I decided to start writing in it as a coping mechanism to deal with my break-up.
This is not going to be a general rant about what a douchebag my ex is. Although he can be and I am going to have as limited contact with him as possible. As we have been back and forth and both royally fucked up, I have to take the blame. However, after yesterday, I FINALLY realize after 2 years, that he and I are not meant to be and I am ready to move forward with no more tears. But I am determined not to get into the bad habits that I normally get into in a break-up, which include: extensive partying, drunk dailing, and hooking-up with hot younger men.
So what to be instead? Well, up at 4AM, blogging and watching Bridget Jones' Diary for inspiration. So yeah, this is a place to tell the truth about me. Obviously will lose weight and begin to eat healthier instead of eating crap or not eating because Mark use to cook for me all the time. In order to lose weight one must exercise, so I checked the weather and the gods don't seem to be on my side with this one, rain is in the forecast for the week. Great, that means sweating in the smelly gym when I would rather walk the beach. Going to take my shorts and sneakers to work and hope for the best. Even if it's sprinkling, I'm going to the beach.
Also have to mail bills today andgo to the bank. What a gripping life I lead LOL. The highlight of my day will probably be talking to my kids and my best friend who is even more screwed up than I am LOL.
Anyway Mark(who will from now on be know as DB, short for douchbag and I FINALLY ended things after we hit an impass 2 months ago, but we continued to idiotically hang on and ignore and think that things would go back to normal. I finally told him yesterday that it was my way or the highway. He made the choice to say goodbye this time. Unfortunately, I still have to see him at least twice more. Once to give him money as he gave me money until I get paid, and because I agreed to allow him to see my granddaughter as they have a tight bond. The last thing he texted me when I left was " I will be missing you". My reply "too bad, your choice". Should have left it that way, but later drunk texted , "I rescind my apology for all the hurt that I caused you. You deserve it." Dumb move.
Obviously deleted his number, of course I have it committed to memory, but at least if I am tempted to text I have to actaully dial and hopefully that will give me the incentive, not to text. But it is more will power and determination.
My latest thing is that I need to tell the truth. I will I told this other guy who has been wanting me that I still love Mark and that I can't hang with him. I will no longer settle for fuckwits. Also, going to forget internet dating and beleive that if I change my life and do good, that good will come to me. So, I need to set some goals for me:
1. Get my finances in order.
2. Research alternative career in dental hygiene
3. Be a better friend to people
4. Be a better mother
5. Focus on the positives and stop being a negative Nelly.
6. Be HONEST
My main plan not to think about DB is to exhaust myself and go to bed early, so work, work out, home cook, keep up with lesson plans and correct and bed by 9PM daily. And blog eveyday.
Some positive things that I have done thus far are. Put away his pctures, not cried, and have deleted all fuckwits numbers. , I will however slop around in his T-shirts as I like them a lot LOL. AnywaY positive thought for the day is this : " I trust in the process of life". Only happy and fun music will play in my car and home as well.
Well time to get ready for work, as I am now single I have to look my best, including a smile as who knows when I will meet the next and LAST love of my life. In the mean time, here is a song that I love
